How to Piss off the Akatsuki- 365 Days of Destruction
by Daaviiee
Summary: They thought she stopped, but no she continued again. It was slowly starting to turn them insane and they had to prevent themselves from killing her and her partner in crime. Sakura Haruno slowly destroys the Akatsuki from the inside out. Previous name was XxKhmerGurl2o9xX
1. Chapter 1

**12-19-12:**

**So apparently I had seen that they deleted this story. So, I thought that I might as well revise this to a more suitable taste to the readers. To everyone that reviewed, thank you. I would take the time to reply back and to the other reviewers of my other stories, but I have been busy lately with high school and college. Hopefully, this story can maintain your interest and not cause you to hunt me down for my lack of creativity. **

How to Piss off the Akatsuki: 365 Days of Destruction

Ah, the snowflakes falling from the frigid cold sky. Fires casted a warm glow in the heart of the chimney, hot chocolate in the hands of the relaxing people in their reclining chair. It was the holiday that everyone loved, the day where kids get presents from Santa Claus, the day where couples kiss under the mistletoe. The day where Sakura and her partner in crime, Deidara, cause utter destruction in Akatsuki.

Many of the Akatsuki members thought it will be the end of Sakura's boredom, but yet again, she was bored to death. Why not make the use of making this holiday as fun as possible. With the advantages the world has given them, she will plan the best holiday for the Akatsuki in their whole lives. Akatsuki won't know what hit them, literally.

xxxx

"So, we're doing this again?" Deidara asked with a mischievous glint in his baby blue eyes.

They were in the blonde's room to have the meeting. When Sakura barged in his room with a scroll in her hand, he knew what she was planning with that evil smirk plastered on her face. The fire cackled, spreading its warmth to the freezing duo.

She held a cup of hot chocolate tenderly in her hands, occasionally sipping it. Deidara wore a thermal on with his normal ninja standard pants that were comfortable, yet also kept him warm. His hair was tied normally, his banging blocking the left side of his face.

Sakura wore baggy pajama pants with a black shirt that looked familiarly like Itachi's. Her hair was tied in a loose bun with loose locks of hair framing her face. She sat on the rocking, sofa chair while Deidara sat on the couch. She looked at him with the same glint and grinned evilly.

"Yeah, but where doing it in a different way," she replied while looking in the blazing fire.

"Let me guess- Christmas style right now?" he looked at her with a knowing look.

"Christmas style," she repeated with agreement. Deidara laughed, slouching in a relaxed position. She looked at him in amusement before returning her gaze to the fire.

"Akatsuki is gonna go through hell," Deidara piped and she nodded. They spoke freely without any worry for the walls were soundproof. Why you may ask? It's for the explosions that Deidara creates and now for their meetings. Oh, right indeed, Akatsuki will be going through hell.

"Prepare yourselves, Akatsuki. Now I have a plan for the first thing..." Sakura sat up with a serious look on her face. Deidara listened attentively, all of his focus on what was going to be said. This is going to be good.

Line...

"Pein, I got you an early present!" a voice yelled as a figure burst through the said person's office doors.

Pein looked up with an eyebrow raised. Sakura held a wrapped box in green ribbon. It was a relatively small box, so it must have been something small.

"Really- an early one? Why can't you just wait till' Christmas?" Pein questioned with a bored voice. A glare was sent his way.

Sakura huffed, crossing her arms while tapping her foot impatiently, "Be glad that I got you an early present and not the others." Pein nodded, going along with the temperamental girl before taking the gift she handed. He slowly opened the box to reveal..

Blink.

Smile.

Stare.

Same smile.

Twitch.

"Sakura, why the hell would you get me this?" Pein asked with a hint of irritation. She looked at him innocently.

"What do you mean?"

"Why would you get me earrings? _Pink, _out of all the colors in the world, pink. Really? Pink earrings?"

"What you like earrings and pink is the new black. Be glad, gosh. Stop taking things for granted," she huffed and stormed out 'angrily'. Pein sighed and then Konan burst through the doors.

"Pein, would you like to eat dinner with the rest of..the..uhh..Why do you have pink earrings?"

"Don't fucking ask."

"At least it's pink. Pink is so the new black."

Twitch.

Innocent look.

"What?"

Glare. "Get out, Konan."

"Gosh, who pissed in your cheerios?" she muttered before walking out. Pein sighed, irritated.

Line..

"This is going to be good, yeah!"

_'Am I hearing voices?'_ Konan thought, still drowsy from the noise that awoken her from her slumber.

"Be quiet, baka! We don't want her to hear us."

_'Or am I losing my mind?'_ confusion clouded her expression, now fully awake now. A few minutes ago there was a bit of a rustle, but now everything was silent. Sitting upright, she peered around the dark of her room. Then she met vibrant, blue eyes that stared at her in fear.

_'Oh, hell no,' _the blue-haired Akatsuki glared at the blonde artist until her world went dark, pain shooting throughout her head. She fell in a heap on her bed, unconscious.

"Did I kill her, un?" Deidara whispered with terror.

"No, but you didn't have to hit her," Sakura replied with disapproval.

"She would have killed me, yeah!"

"I could have just pressed her pressure point."

"Oh."

Glare.

Sheepish grin.

"Well, let's get on to work!"

Eyelids fluttered open and was met with the sight of her room. Sunlight filtered through the room in a bright, white, light creating a delightful atmosphere. She sat upright suddenly, but then clutched her head in pain. What had happened last night?

She remembered seeing blue eyes, but it couldn't have been Deidara. Nobody EVER comes in her room or else they pay the consequences. She slowly got out of bed and walked past a full-length mirror, only glancing at her appearance.

Grunting at how she looked, she made her way to the bathroom. Abruptly, she froze for a second and dashed to the mirror. Her appearance was normal like all the time she woke up, but that wasn't what had horror plastered on her face. She cupped her face and gasped.

Half of the side of her hair was dyed a bloody red while the other side was neon green. A shrill scream erupted from her throat.

"My hair! What happened to my precious hair! NOOO!"

On the other side of the Akatsuki base resided two people: a blonde and a pink-headed girl. They were sipping a cup of hot chocolate when a scream reverberated through the base. They looked at each other before resuming what they had done.

"Nice weather we're having, yeah?"

"Yes, yes indeed."

Line..

"Zetsu, come here please!" Sakura called the plant look-a-like. Said person walked straight up to her.

"Yes, **what do you want?**" Zetsu asked with confusion. Then a blindfold blocked his vision and he instinctively tried to yank it off, but with no avail.

"Leave it! I want you to model for me!" Sakura smacked away his hands with a huff.

"Why **the hell can't** you get someone else to model for **you**?"

"Remember what I promised before if you did me a favor?"

"That you would get me a gardening book."

"So there."

"**Fine."** he grumbled while crossing his arms. 30 minutes has passed and his patience was wearing thin. "How long is this going to take?"

"Give me a few more seconds...and done!" Sakura said and Zetsu yanked off the blindfold and looked at his appearance in the mirror.

"The **fuck?**"

"Hey, in my opinion, you're cute."

"Why am I a Christmas tree?

"Kakuzu is too cheap to buy a Christmas tree this year." Before Zetsu took off all the ornaments and Christmas items, Deidara took a picture of him when he had turned around to question her. Then he went off to put a life-sized poster of the picture in the living room, making everyone burst into laughter.

Line...

Orochimaru was telling stories to Sakura, Hidan, and Tobi about all the killings and criminal deeds he had done. One particular story made them laugh and Sakura leaned against the snake-sannin.

"Orochimaru, you are so naughty!" she said through her uncontrollable laughter. He chuckled while supporting her with an arm.

"Oh, really? Well, wait until we are alone and you can see how I am really _naughty_," he suggested with a mischievous glint and everyone froze. Sakura slowly removed herself from him and stared with wide eyes.

"I meant that you are naughty- as in Santa's naughty list!" Sakura replied with slight disgust.

"Fucking pedophile," Hidan muttered and his hand clenched, wanting to kill the snake sannin with his scythe.

"Oro-chan likes Sakura-chan!" Tobi yelled and all of a sudden, Itachi burst through the doors. His sharingan glared at them, tomoes spinning rapidly. They gawked at his entrance, surprised looks on their faces.

"What are you doing here, Itachi?" Sakura questioned after she got rid of her faze.

"Hn," he grunted and glared at the pedo-snake. Orochimaru fearfully stared at him,.

"I only meant to show Sakura the journal entries I kept of all the deeds I had done," he peeped and flinched when the Uchiha towered over him. It lasted for a few minutes, before Itachi regained composure and walked away.

"Carry on," Itachi muttered before returning back to where ever he came from.

"That was fucking freaky," Hidan broke the silence that earned him a whack on the side of his head.

Line...

"Sasori-danna, open your present yeah!" Deidara urged while throwing a wrapped box tied with a ribbon at him.

"It's not even Christmas. Can't you wait until another few weeks?" Sasori drawled out in boredom.

"No, it's a present from Sakura and I. We wanted to give it to you early. You better open it or else Sakura is going to be pissed, yeah," Deidara grinned, unfazed at the glare that was sent his way.

"Fine, give to me. I don't have much time, so stop wasting it," Sasori spat out, irritated. He took the gift before tearing the wrappings. He pulled out the box and stared at it with disbelief.

"Why would you buy me this?"

"What? It's like the art you always do and Sakura bought it, okay, not me," the blonde raised his hands, defensively. Sasori's left eye twitched uncontrollably while he resisted strangling the person in front of him.

"Puppets, Deidara, puppets. Not _Barbie dolls_!"

"You're welcome, Danna!"

"Get back here, Deidara!"

**12-19-12:**

**I made a few adjustments, but I couldn't really fix anything. Just a few grammar mistakes I found and put more detail in the story, but that's all. Please review and have a Merry Christmas!**


	2. Chapter 2

**12-21-12:**

**Oh, look at that. I'm uploading a chapter before I die. Curse the Mayans, ahahaha. Anyways, thank you to those that reviewed. You guys really really made my day. I can't celebrate Christmas this year due to money problems, but I hope that all you guys have a merry Christmas and happy holidays.**

"You guys have to do it. It's law, yeah!"

"It's not law, Deidara, it's Christmas holiday law," Sakura corrected her partner.

"Hell no! I'm not kissing the Uchiha," Kisame protested vehemently, trying desperately to back away from the trio, but failed miserably from the blonde behind him.

Itachi glared at the pinkette in front of him with such irritation that he gave off dark vibes, sending shudders wracking down her spine. Sakura smiled innocently at him before turning her gaze to the sword user; she glared at Kisame who glared in return. She held a pole that hung above their heads with a line.

A line that connected to a mistletoe.

"So, you guys have to kiss no matter what," she remarked with a smirk.

"I will never kiss that gay pansy!"

"Likewise, Kisame," Itachi commented in a snide remark, yet still impassive.

"You look like an old pedophile with that look you give people every time they pass by," Kisame snapped.

They went back and forth like a tug of war; both practically brushing noses when Kisame came closer. They snapped at each other like an old married couple with their little insults at each other.

Then a sudden push caused Itachi to stumble forward, colliding with the over-sized shark. I mean, Kisame. Kisame, not expecting Itachi to collide with him, fell backwards.

All he felt was a gust of air before meeting cold, hard ground. This was the exact time when Pein came through the hallway, ironically.

All of his breath was knocked out of him, eyes shut from the pain. He felt something soft on his lips, something soft and warm. Cracking his eyelids open, he peered through his eyelashes. Itachi, wide eyed and shocked (what a first), laid sprawled on him with his lips on his.

"Now, that's how you do it," a vaguely, familiar feminine voice stated to the smug blonde. They separated with disgusted faces, Kisame, over-exaggerating, started spitting out saliva and glaring at the smug partners.

"I will kill you two," Kisame threatened murderously.

Said duo started laughing hysterically before they walked away- practically skipping with their arms looped together. Itachi stood stiff; he glared at the shinobi in front of him.

A cough resounded through the hallway and their eyes landed on the uncomfortable leader.

"I'll pretend that never happened," Pein stammered uncomfortably, his eyes on the interesting gray wall.

Itachi and Kisame bowed in agreement and the leader left, his footsteps echoing. The duo stood there for a while before Kisame cleared his throat.

"Err, I'll be going now," he stuttered and walked away before Itachi spoke up.

"By the way, I still won't kiss a fish," Kisame gawked at the retreating form before he turned a purplish color, his face scrunching up in anger.

"Shut up, Itachi!"

* * *

Sasori looked all around the room. Where did his puppets that had been previously on the bed? Ever since he was revived back to his human body, he seemed to forget where he placed things.

That can't be it because his mind would automatically remember. Yet, this was one of the moments where he can't remember anything.

Walking to the living room, he saw Sakura sipping on hot cocoa and Deidara molding his clay into a Christmas tree. A fire cackled with warmth, sending an eerie glow through the room lighting it.

The girl sat Indian- style in the rocking chair, a quilt blanket on her lap. The blonde lounged lazily on the couch, his feet on the armrest. She glanced up at him and her face immediately brightened.

"Sasori, what brings you here? You would only come if you needed something," Sakura greeted him.

"Hey, Danna. What you want, un?" Deidara paused at what he's doing and looked at the red-head.

"Have one of you seen my puppets- the one on my bed?" Sasori questioned with hope and Sakura nodded, to his relief.

"Yeah, it's right there," he followed the direction of where she pointed and gasped.

He gaped with surprised and horror at his puppets. His puppets cackled from the heat of the fire, burning. In the background, Deidara, somehow, pulled out a stereo and pressed play.

"_Burn, Baby, burn!_" the music played loudly, but not too loud. Sasori glared at them menacingly.

"Why," it was not a question, but a statement. Sasori narrowed his eyes more when the pinkette shrugged.

"We ran out of firewood," she answered nonchalantly.

"Sakura!"

"Love you too, Danna, yeah."

"Love you too, Sasori," they both simultaneously piped up.

* * *

Today, the Akatsuki went to a large clearing, snow covering every suface. Sakura wanted to have a Akatsuki game together. Deidara immediately threw a handful of snow at our favorite jashinist, thus causing an all-out Akatsuki snowball war.

Snow went flying at every direction and it was more fun when you aim perfectly. Advantages of being a ninja. Kisame sneakily came behind Deidara with a block of snow over his head. He prepared to throw it at the blonde when, at that moment, he lost his footing and fell backwards. The snow dropped on him instead and everyone laughed at his predicament.

"Hey, look what I found!" Sakura came running from the trees holding a white fur ball. They all paused momentarily to investigate the findings.

"What the fuck is that?" Hidan voiced his confusion, staring at the white ball of fur with black eyes and nose. Its paws held on to the arms that held it safely.

"It seems to be a polar bear," Itachi answered.

"What is it doing all alone? It's so adorable," Konan cooed at the chibi, kawaii cub. It licked her fingers affectionately, occasionally nipping it softly.

"Can I **eat** it?" Zetsu asked, which he received a slap on the head from the females.

"It couldn't have gotten far. Its mother would be close," Kakuzu stated. "Can we sell it? Their coats are in season."

"Hell no, Stitch-face!" Sakura yelled out and the polar cub growled as if it could understand.

Then a big shadow covered them, something blocking the sun. Harsh breathing and drool fell on them. They slowly peered up to meet a flustered polar bear with its fangs bared.

"We're dead," Kisame whispered while Hidan gulped and started praying.

"Can I keep it?" Sakura asked everyone while Deidara silently snickered. The cub's mother released a ferocious roar and the Akatsuki glared at the oblivious pinkette.

"Sakura, if we get out of this alive, you're dead," Kakuzu deadpanned.

"Run for your fucking lives, bitches!" Hidan yelled and everyone scattered.

The momma polar bear roared in response and chased them, not caring if Sakura held her cub and Deidara laughed next to her.

"Well, I guess you're coming home with me!"

"Aren't you just cute, yeah. So kawa- Ow! It bit my find my finger, yeah!"

* * *

"Attention, Akatsuki! The reason why I put antlers on you- shut up Itachi. I gave you the red ball for a nose for a reason. So just shut up- for a reason. It's for the song I will sing for you guys," Sakura announced and they looked at her with a weird look. Deidara grinned mischievously, peering behind the curtains.

They sat in the living room while the blonde and pinkette put a stage in there. They wanted all the Akatsuki there, saying it's for an important meeting. This caused Pein to grumble because only he can set up a meeting with everyone. Also, mumbling along the lines of "She can't do anything. I can because I am God!"

The curtains parted way to show Sakura in a Santa Claus-like sweater with a white skirt and red boots. She held a microphone in her hands, smiling coyly.

Then she started singing.

"_You know, _

_Pein, Konan, Hidan, Kakazu, Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, Zetsu_

_But who do you recall,_

_the most famous Akatsuki of all,_

_Itachi the red-eyed Akatsuki_

_Had very shining eyes_

_And if you ever saw them_

_you would run away and cry_

_All of the other Akatsuki_

_Used to call poor Itachi names_

_They never let Itachi, join in any akatsuki games_

_Then one fogging Christmas Eve, Pein came to say_

_"Itachi with your eyes so bright, Won't you fight this guy tonight?"_

_then all the Akatsuki loved him_

_As they shouted out with glee_

_Pein looked at him and said_

"_Itachi will go down in history!"_

At the end, all of the Akatsuki were howling with laughter, eyes streaming down their faces. They held on to each other for support.

Itachi seethed with anger, his fists clenching and unclenching. Sakura hopped off the stage, gave a kiss on Itachi's cheek, and skipped away happily with Deidara- giggling like school girls.

"Itachi~, we're actually crying!" Konan said in between gasps of air and started laughing hysterically, along with the rest of them.

"Sakura!"

**A/N:**

**I tried to revise as much as I can, but then again, I'm being lazy at the moment. I'm a bit preoccupied with ****Discovering the True Meaning****'s next chapter at the moment. Merry Christmas and please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**

**I feel so loved! Hope you guys have happy holidays. I don't want to bore you with my life so just read the chapter! I think I might have a new story up! Merry Christmas- this is your gift from me!**

Line..

Kisame looked around the living room to see if anyone was there. He looked behind, feeling as if eyes were staring at him, before he strolled toward the stocking hanging above the fireplace.

He stealthily made his way to his - which was the color blue, courtesy of Sakura. It was Christmas Eve and everyone was still sleeping, seeing how it is 5 A.M. He shoved his hand in the stocking that was specially made huge for his hand to be in there, feeling anything that would interest him.

He felt cold metal a few times before he felt a soft, yet cold item. Confusion was shown on his face before he pulled out the mysterious gift. Looking at the palm of his hand, his left eye twitched in irritation.

"What the?"

"Kisame, what are you doing?" his whole body tensed up and he slowly turned to see Sakura leaning against the doorway. She walked up to him and cocked her head to the side.

"Nothing," he lied, but then quickly sputtered out the truth from the death glare shot his way. "I was looking through my stocking and I wanted to ask you something. What the hell is this?"

She looked at the item that was wrapped in seaweed and rice. It had an orange sauce over some seafood, fish or crab most likely. "Sushi, duh."

"And why is there sushi in my stocking?"

She snatched the sushi out of his hand before popping it in her mouth. "Hey," Sakura started to walk away before saying, "At least it's not charcoal, right?"

Line...

"Schwonk!" Sakura screamed out, catching the attention of the Akatsuki in the room.

They came out to see the whole Akatsuki floor frozen in ice. They turned their head to see a black figure sliding down the hallway, another one close to it.

They looked at it for a second, but then a panic expression came dawned on them when they realized that they weren't stopping. To normal eyes, all they would see was a black blur, but to shinobi eyes they saw Sakura and Deidara dressed in penguin suits, sliding on their belly.

Too late to return to the safety of their room, the dressed up members knocked the footing of each and every one of them, except Itachi and Hidan. Deidara went ahead with another sound escaping his throat while Sakura stood up casually before walking close to the sharigan-user. She batted her eyelashes coyly before swiping his footing and quickly kneeing Hidan in the groin.

They both fell to the ground in pain as Sakura slid on her belly with a "schwonk." Pein came out of his room – the only one to not come out – to see all the Akatsuki members on the ground, moaning in pain.

"You guys are idiots," Pein said before he stepped out, only to be knocked down.

"Schwonk!" the blonde and pinkette yelled out before sliding away.

Line..

"Okay, Sakura, you can spend this much money. Be grateful I'm giving you money to shop for your presents before Christmas tomorrow," Kakuzu grumbled before handing Sakura the money.

She smiled with glee before walking away, Kakuzu following silently behind her. She browsed through many stores when she saw something that interested her. She went to the store before a hand tugged at her sleeve.

She looked down to see a young child dressed in thin pants and an old-looking coat, dirt smudged on their cheek and their hair a mess. "Excuse me, miss, but I'm poor. My mom can't get us food for winter. Can you spare some change?"

"Of course!" She took out her money that Kakuzu gave her and handed him a handful of money.

Kakuzu's eyes widened at her actions until his eyes widened more when more kids just came out of nowhere, surrounding the pinkette. She just had a smile plastered on her face while handing them money.

Sakura knew he was seething in anger back there, but she didn't care. Then every kid thanked her and ran off. She turned to her companion to see him grinding his teeth, biting back the words that would soon leave his mouth. She clearly had nothing anymore for her little action she did.

"Kakuzu?"

"Yes, _Sakura_?

"Can I have more money?"

"No, damn it!"

Line...

Ah, the day of Christmas and everyone was oblivious to the world. Tobi slept peacefully, yet it was getting cold for him. He tried to reach the blanket that would be around him, but his hands met thin air.

Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, he opened his eyes to see himself staring at the wall. Not just any wall, but the living room wall. That meets the ceiling. He looked down to meet the small ground below him dizzly.

Fear overcoming him he started screaming. "Deidara-senpai! Help Tobi! Senpai? Sakura-chan? Anyone? Wah!"

Every Akatsuki ran into the living room to see Tobi hung on the Christmas tree in a glittery orange ball on their ginormous christmas tree. He was practically an ornament for the Christmas tree. The Akatsuki looked at him intending to help when Sakura ran in the room.

"Presents!" she yelled before diving to the presents under the tree. Distracted, they ran to their presents leaving Tobi still suspended.

"Ah, Deidara-senpai! Someone? Itachi-chan, help Tobi, please!" Tobi wailed while flailing. That quickly angered Itachi and Tobi was suddenly meeting the floor below him fast from the kunai that cut his collar that suspended him. He met the cold floor with a loud smack.

"Tobi, why are you on the floor?"

"Floor-chan is my friend, Sakura-chan. Want to meet Floor-chan?"

**A/N:**

**Yeah, sorry for the long wait. I was busy updating my Discovering the True Meaning. So, hope you piss yourselves laughing or read it emotionlessly. **


	4. Chapter 4

**2-22-13:**

**Sorry it took so long to upload this chapter. I don't know why I didn't upload this when this was sitting abandoned in my laptop. I don't really want to correct any mistakes right now, so bare with me.**

"Deidara, no more Christmas pranks, _please." _Sakura begged while her head hung off the edge of the bed. Deidara looked at her appalled, his mouth agape and his eyes bulging out.

They were in Sakura's room where it had a wide view of the landscape of Rain country. Surprisingly, it was not raining today. Flowers were just starting to bloom and the sun's rays made a beautiful picture when it went through the trees' branches and leaves. Deidara was a bit envious because he had wanted this when they were going to remodel the base, but as usual Sakura got it first.

He was sitting cross-legged on the rug, molding his clay into a little bird. He wore a loose-fitting, black shirt and black sweats with his sandals. His hair was down with just a bit tied up and as usual, his bangs covering his left eye. Sakura just also wore a loose-fitting black shirt that looked very similar to his and looked his size. She wore shorts under and her hair was tied into a messy bun.

"What? You're telling me to stop pranking, yeah?" he looked at her with a crazy look as if she had grown another head that knew what was right.

"First of all, 'pranking' is not a word and who ever said that?" she pointed out the useless information.

"Well, you, yeah. You just said it and who says that pranking is not a word?"

"The dictionary, Dumbass. Haha, get that? D is for Dumbass and your name starts with a D. Huh, no? Okay," Sakura stopped snickering at her own joke when Deidara shot her an evil glare.

"Yeah, and S is for Slut."

"That's low."

"What, un? You were the first one to do it!"

"Yeah, but I'm a girl, but if you're actually a girl in disguise then...that's fine?"

"Just forget it."

"Okay, what I meant is that Christmas already passed and it's no use to doing Christmas pranks when the holiday ended. That's just plain stupid," Sakura reverently said.

"Our whole list is made of Christmas pranks!" Deidara ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "It's going to take us weeks to get ideas."

"Aw, but this is where I come prepared, young grasshopper," Sakura wagged her finger side to side before fishing out a scroll behind her back. Deidara raised an eyebrow in curiosity at the scroll. "This is all the pranks that I listed a year ago."

She unrolled it and it was a long scroll even though it looked small. It would have gone across the room if Deidara wasn't in the path of it. He picked part of it up and read one.

He deadpanned, "You were going to die my hair pink and cut it like yours."

"Okay, that one was before you joined me," she held up her hands in defense.

"Yeah, so why does it say to replace my clay with play-dough a month after I joined you?"

"...Just shut up, Deidara, shut up."

* * *

It was pure, pitch black aside from the few torches lighting the hallways. Two black figures dressed in tight, black-fitting clothes carried glue, paint, scissors, and god-knows-what in their hands. Everyone was asleep and everything was quiet.

"Ow, fuck! That hurt, yeah!" Deidara hissed when his foot bumped against the corner of the drawer.

"Stop making so much noise, dimwit! You don't want us to get in caught, do you? Oh wait, maybe you do," Sakura looked at the Akatsuki member sleeping on the bed, only tossing to the side. She let her breath out in relief before turning to the blonde.

"Well, you pushed me and made me go first, un," he hastened to the bathroom along with the pink-haired girl following behind him.

"Just hurry up- we don't have a lot of time."

"Wait, why aren't you helping?"

"Cuz' you're the artist here and you would do a better job."

"I really hate you, you know that? Plus, I'm not your slave."

"I know, but you're my bitch. So, hurry up so you can make me a sandwich later on."

"Fuck you."

* * *

Itachi woke up as early as usual, before the sun came up, and made his way to the bathroom. He turned on the light, rubbing his eyes absently. Opening his eyes and waiting for his eyes to adjust to the light, his body stiffened and his eyes were glued to the room.

"What. The. Fuck."

Similar to Itachi, Pein stared at the bathroom in horror, his left eye twitching uncontrollably. His hands clenched and unclenched as he opened his mouth to yell, "Akatsuki, get the fuck up and look in your bathroom, just in case!"

Startled at the sudden voice, each member ran to the bathroom and yells and screams were a response that Pein heard. Everyone made their way to Orochimaru's room, breaking the door down in the process. Pedo- I mean, Orochimaru was jumping around his bathroom while kissing the wallpaper.

"What is the meaning of this?" Pein demanded. The wallpaper showed Orochimaru himself and Sasuke in various -_ahem- provocative_ positions.

"Leader-sama, I didn't do this, but I thank them whoever did this," that was all the Leader got and soon realization dawned on him.

"Sakura! Deidara!"

Meanwhile, the duo were sitting on the bed with a stack of cards, a few cards in their hands.

"You got a two?" Sakura asked with a poker face.

"No, go fish, un," Deidara said.

"No, why the fuck would I go fish?"

"No, _Go. FISH._"

"Why?"

"Never mind, yeah."

* * *

Itachi was having his coughing fits again, but Sakura had healed the disease for him a year ago when she became, or more liked forced to be, an Akatsuki member. Maybe, he thought, it was just a seasonal virus. It was spring now and he did get it easily. Not paying attention to others, he continued to cough and sneeze in numerous tissues.

Sakura quietly came behind him with her hands behind her back. She tapped him on his shoulder and got ready. Itachi turned around, but wasn't quick enough for the pink-haired vixen. A gray weight ball collided with his head, rendering him unconscious.

"_**Fatality**_," Deidara stated in his deepest voice before snickering.

"Fatality, indeed," Sakura agreed before walking away.

* * *

It was one of those days. Yes, those days that the duo didn't think the other members would hear. Their grunts and moans were heard quite clearly from the office, yet no one would question them about it. They were _getting it on._

Deidara listened absently when their labored breathing became faster when he opened his mouth, in his best Mortal Combat voice, and yelled, "**FINISH HER!" **

A scream heard later and a shuffle of clothes, Deidara ran to his room before either one of them could catch them. From the action, every member stuck their heads out just in time to see Pein and Konan coming out looking a bit tousled, to say the least.

"It's not what you're thinking," Pein tried to say, but was interrupted by Hidan who erupted in laughter.

"Damn, finally someone got laid and said something. We heard you all the time and don't look at me like that. "Oh, Pein, faster!" and you would say, "So tight!"

The duo blushed a fiery shade of red before slamming the door behind them.

"Score," Sakura gave a high-five to Deidara later.

* * *

Itachi woke up again to another bright sunny day. Wait, bright sunny day? He looked to his window to confirm that, yes, the sun was out. Oh, this is not going to be good if the sun is out. Itachi had finally taken out the wallpaper from his bathroom including a few vomiting, Amaterasu, and going blind a bit more.

He did not want to see his brother doing _that_ with Orochimaru every time he went into his bathroom. Itachi went to his bathroom without opening his eyes and started brushing his teeth and washing his face. After patting his face dry, he finally looked at his reflection.

No, god no. This can't be happening! Itachi grabbed a fistful of his now shoulder-cropped hair that was the brightest color of _pink._ His body trembled from barely contained anger, killing intent rolling off him in waves.

"DAMN IT!"

Kisame, barging in with a grin on his face, stopped and stared at the Uchiha. He then whistled and nodded, "Hey, you look pretty hot with pink hair. Almost like Pinky's twin!"

"Get out before I make you as sushi."

"Gosh, can't take a joke, Mr. I-have-a-stick-shoved-up-my-little-vagina."

"Go!"

* * *

"See, that perfectly good prank meant for me is used for someone else, yeah."

"I can still do it to you, Deidara."

"You wouldn't."

"You wanna try me?"

"No, no."

"That's what I thought. Now go make me a sandwich."

* * *

"Okay, always water them 3 times a day. Give them enough sunlight. Change the soil and put more fertilizer," Zetsu droned on while Sakura nodded. "If you don't take care of them properly, **I will eat all you and keep your skeleton as a prize**."

Yes, yes. Now go before you're late!" she pushed him before he sent a look of distrust, sinking in the floor.

"Deidara, let's see who can stay up for a whole week playing Pokemon!"

"You're on, un!"

A week later...

"Sakura, **what the fuck!**"

"Hehe, I forgot."

"What the hell were you doing while I was go on?"

"With Deidara and look this one looks okay-wait, never mind."

"Sakura, **run.**"

"Are you calling me fat?"

"**Run, bitch, run."**

* * *

Sakura struggled against Orochimaru who was grinning above her. They were having a friendly, as friendly as it gets fighting with Orochimaru, spar. Sakura felt out of shape so she asked the snake-sannin to spar with her. At this moment, you can guess who won.

"Okay, you win. I lose, I get it," Sakura glared, but then her eyes glinted. "Okay, this is a good position to hold someone down. Move your arm here.. yeah, then move your leg here.. Your other leg too.. Okay, you got it."

"Will this actually hold someone down?"

"Yes, now wait. RAPE! PEDOPHILE! Sexual Assault!"

"Sakura-san, why are you yelling that out?"

"Get the fuck off her, you fucking pedo-snake!" Hidan yelled. Orochimaru looked down to see their position. He pinned both of Sakura's arms above her head while straddling her hips. His free hand was palming her flat stomach that her shirt had bunched up.

"Wait, you got it wrong!"

"What are you doing to, pretty Sakura-chan?" Tobi flailed his arms and every member came. Pein tapped his foot impatiently while Itachi looked like he was going to kill the sannin.

"Itachi," Pein called.

"Yes, Leader-sama?" Itachi answered.

"Punish him."

"Gladly."

"Wait, wait? Hold on, this is not what you think!"

**A/N:**

**I was going to keep going, but I want to make this a bit more longer. So hope you like it!**

**Impressed by Bei Maejor**

**Statue by Lil Eddie**


End file.
